I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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