How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize