Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
