We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
