Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't deserve a penis
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
