I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Michael Bay diarrhea
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
