I didn't shave. On purpose
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You are the jesus of drinking
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize