Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
