As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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