i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this boner is exhausting
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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