My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
