"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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