is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
be right there i have to get my cape
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
