Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
