Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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