btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
