3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize