I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He did a backflip because drugs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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