the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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