you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
