u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It's Friday. Sex?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
