By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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