Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
