im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
