If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
