Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
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I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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