I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
