sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
