Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
