I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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