you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
