do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
