at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
