i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
