Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
