Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
