cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
