oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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