I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
