I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't turn off my feet"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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