Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
