When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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