i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sext me about skeletons
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
