Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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