"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
