dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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