***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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