With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
