Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
