wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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