My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
