What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
