you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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