i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
