The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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