swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
