I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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