Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
