Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
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Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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